Hope
by springofthedandelions
Summary: Ginny is deep in depression after the war before deciding she needs to do something to snap both her and Harry out of it.


**Hope**

You're the only thing that makes me believe I'm not alone. It seems I have lost so much, yet so many others have lost even more, I feel selfish complaining. Losing a brother has devastated me. Losing Lupin and Tonks has crushed me. I cannot comprehend how many people are feeling the same as me, as heartbroken and hollow as I do. I feel as if nobody can understand how I am feeling, but I know you do somehow. The look in your eyes, I see straight through you. You have experienced the loss I am struggling to deal with, not only because of your parents, but Fred, Lupin, Tonks-they were your family too.

It feels as if the pain will never go away, Harry. I can't deal waking up in the morning, wondering why I feel so empty inside, and it's like all at once I come crashing back to reality. The gravity of the situation comes rushing back. I am alone. I have lost my big brother, my friends. I am in a house full of people, yet I am so alone. I wish you could read my thoughts, I wish you could hear me crying. Why don't you go for a walk one night around the house? Stop by my door, hear me, save me. I'm sure sleeping in the lounge can't be fun, what with Hermione staying in Ron's room. Surprised mum was okay with it really, but everyone is so lost over what has happened, I don't even think she noticed. But the couch is uncomfortable, my bed isn't. I wish you would sneak up here, I wish you would come in and just hold me, tell me it's all going to be okay. When I close my eyes, I can see you. I can almost imagine you next to me. You're everywhere to me. When I catch my breath, it's you I breathe.

I struggle through the days, faking a smile like everyone else. The volunteer work helps. Helping other people rebuild their homes, their lives, it gives me some sort of satisfaction. If only someone would do the same for me. This black cloud follows me around. When I see you, I recognise the feeling inside. I'm sure it's love, I'm sure of it. Maybe even happiness. But you seem so far away, and I am so focused on all that I have lost, I can't comprehend that I love you and that if I just told you that, maybe we would be okay. Maybe we could get through this. But I don't say any of what I feel. People lie through their teeth all the time, and I've become the master at it.

You're everyone I see, and I just wonder if you see me. If you see the way I am feeling. But then again, I guess you would say something, show some sign. I barely see you, yet I see you everywhere. I don't understand how I've even got this far without you to hold me up. But why should I deserve you to look after me, when there are so many others worse off? My mother, for instance. I may have lost a brother, but she lost a son. George lost his other half. Why should I crave love and attention from the man I have loved for what seems like my entire life.

I cannot continue this depressed detail of my mind. I am going to be proactive. Something Dad said to me today stuck. Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. I guess he was feeling optimistic, despite everything. Maybe he is feeling the weight of everyone else's sadness, and decided to do something about it, and sharing his little bit of wisdom with me was the start of it. Whatever the reason for him saying it, it worked. I guess that's what it's all about, isn't it? Hope. Strength. If I am strong for others, I might just begin to believe it myself, give myself that same strength. I can be there for my mother, my brothers, Hermione, and you. Especially you. I can inspire others to do the same, to carry on. To keep going.

"Harry, can I speak to you for a second?" You look up from the ground. It's cold outside; I have no idea why you're out here so late, at this time of year. You have this small smile on your face, and nod slightly. I lead you back into the house, and up the stairs. You don't ask why I am leading you into my bedroom. Nobody else in the house is awake, so it wouldn't matter if I spoke to you in the middle of the kitchen, nobody would know. But I am hoping you won't have to leave my room again after what I have to say. I am hoping it will break through to you, and help me at the same time. I sit down on the bed as you shut the door and then stand there, not saying a word.

"Please, sit down," I say, gesturing next to me on the bed. You sit down, almost close enough to touch. Close enough to hope you could see what I was thinking about. Now that I had you here, I didn't quite know where to start. When you have everything to say, how do you begin? How do you tell someone you love them, when you yourself feel as if you are an inch from fading away, nothing but a star in the sky that nobody notices so why should anybody love you in return? This kind of thinking was getting me nowhere but I still didn't know what to say. So I didn't use words.

With tears in my eyes, I reached for your hands and held them in mine. They were cold from being outside. For some reason you didn't seem to have adequate clothing on for the freezing temperatures you had just subjected yourself to, and as you sat there, saying nothing, you shivered slightly. I gave your hands a small squeeze, and you finally looked at me. Your face is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Your eyes, the way they used to sparkle sent the butterflies in my stomach into a frenzy. You used to have this look that you seemed to reserve just for me way back when we were at school and everything was perfect. It was this look that just told me how much you cared, how happy you were, how much you wanted me. I want to see that again. I should tell you this.

My thumbs stroke the tops of your hands, and they seemed to be warming slightly. Your shivering seems to have subsided, and we just sit there, two people not saying a word, a thousand words unsaid between us. By now, tears are streaming down my face, but still I do not know what to say. You seem to fighting back tears of your own, and you break eye contact to look down and give a little sniff. Something is going through that head of yours, and I wonder desperately what it is. I shift closer to you on the bed, closing the gap between us and rest my head on your shoulder. You almost seem to stiffen underneath me, but I don't move away. I need this contact, and I am certain you need it too. When you don't move either, I take it that you are okay with it.

Your shivering has returned, so on a whim, I stand up, bringing you with me. Peeling back the covers on my bed, I crawl in, and lie there waiting for you to join me. You hesitate for a fraction of a second, then climb in next to me, settling down so close I can feel your pulse. I find you hand and hold it tight, and you return the pressure, which sends my heart soaring. Why have I not done this before? I lean into you, snuggling under the blankets, enjoying the warmth and company. I feel as if I haven't had human contact in forever, but daily I hug my parents. But this is a different type of contact. This feels real, electric. I feel as if everything depends on what happens next. I try to pour my feelings and hopes out through this unspoken agreement we seem to have signed, and I pray that you are doing the same.

"I'm sorry," You whisper, and the shock of it almost makes me jump. If you hadn't have been right next to me, I may not have heard you, and your voice sounds rough, like you haven't spoken properly in months. Probably because you haven't. I tilt my head up so I can see you but you don't look at me, just stare at the ceiling, tears swimming in your eyes though never falling down your cheeks.

"What for?" I whisper back. Because what could you possibly be sorry about? After all you have done and achieved, why would you ever need to apologise to anyone? You are so amazing. I wonder why I am not telling you this, and before you answer, I briefly decided to myself that I think too much.

"For not being there for you. I'm sorry for not picking you up when you fell. I'm sorry for Fred. I'm so sorry Ginny, for so much I can't even explain," You were crying now, your tears running down your cheeks and landing softly in the small space on the pillow between us. My own tears have subsided, though no doubt they will return. You finally look at me, your sorrow evident on your face. I reach my other hand up and wipe your tears away with my fingers. You close your eyes at my touch and I feel like the world has stopped turning, time has paused for you and I to have this moment together, this reconnection.

"You have nothing to apologise for. Please, please don't say that," You open your eyes and stare into mine, and I try desperately to read your thoughts. "You are the most amazing and wonderful person, a great wizard, and the best person anyone could ever wish to know,"

"But I have been so absent, so distant. I want so much to carry you, your family, everyone and take away all the hurt, but I just can't. There is too much of it, too much pain and I can't help," You whisper softly, your tears slowing but the pain so obvious on your face. "I can't handle all these things you say I am, because I don't feel like that person, I don't feel like this person who saved the world, some great hero. Because I couldn't even save the girl I love from her own sadness,"

My heart seemed to have stopped. You have not told me you loved me for so long, I had begun to wonder if I had imagined all those afternoons spent by the lake, my fingers lazily laced with yours, feeling as if nothing could ever ruin those magnificent moments. But here you were, lying next to me, showing me that maybe I was right in guessing you knew what I was going through, the inner turmoil of trying to put on a brave face, but feeling so horrible inside.

"All you had to do was hold me," I said, trying to keep my voice from breaking. I have to do this, I have to tell you. Unspoken words never lead to anything good, how can I expect you to read my mind? "Grief is different for everyone. All I ever wanted was you. Just to be there...just to be next to me like you are now. You have no idea how much that is helping, feeling you next to me,"

If possible you move even closer and I lean up towards your face, my eyes searching yours, seeking what I wanted and finding it. When our lips meet, it's as if nothing over the past year has happened. No war, no death. At that single moment, it's you and me after that quidditch match, down by the lake, feeling as if I would surely set on fire from the heat between us. It sparks so much between us; at once it is like we can't get close enough. I press myself into you as your hands find my back and pull me closer. My fingers find your hair and I feel as if I am in heaven. I don't want it to end, but you slowly pull away, and I am aware that you want to speak. My hands rest on your chest, feeling your heartbeat.

"I have never experienced grief like this. So many people going through the same thing, losing that many people at once...it was too much to take. I couldn't deal with my own grief, so I couldn't even comprehend being there for you as well. I hated myself for it, please believe me, I still do. The whole time I was away hunting horcruxes, it was you I saw when I closed my eyes, you I thought of late at night. Just because I wasn't there for you doesn't mean I stopped loving you. You have no idea what you mean to me, Ginny," You spoke softly, as if the words were delicate. I leant up to kiss you softly, and then pulled you into a tight embrace.

"You are my everything, Harry Potter, and you always will be. I love you so much," I replied, and you hugged me even tighter. "I'm sorry too, for not doing this sooner. I needed to work through what was going on in my own head before I could even think about what to say to you. I didn't want to mess it up, I just wanted you here, with me,"

"I'm not going anywhere," You whispered back, and I kissed you once more. When you pulled away, I settled into your shoulder, your arms around me and mine around yours. It felt like a new beginning, like I could deal with whatever came because I knew I now had you. I knew I had you for good this time. I understand you, the way you think, and most of all; I know that you love me. And that I love you. And that is all that matters. I'm not alone.

* * *

><p>"Hey Dad, what was that thing you said to me last week?"<p>

"What did I say, Ginny?"

"You know, live for today...oh I can't remember, what was the rest?"

"Oh! That. I'm not sure I can remember love. Let me think. Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. Was that it, dear?"

"Yeah, that was it! It's really sweet, huh. Where did you hear it?"

"That old rubbish? Some muggle newspaper had it as their headline. Crazy, what these muggles deem as news, isn't it?"

"Crazy."

* * *

><p>So, I haven't written in awhile, which may be quite obvious, so hopefully this isn't too bad! It just sort of came to me while I was listening to music. I own nothing, the characters are not mine, some of the lines are either directly from songs or adapted slightly but still..not mine! I don't claim to own anything except the idea for the story :) Hope it isn't too depressing! I usually write full of fluff, so we'll see how this goes. If you like it, please let me know :)<p> 


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